Wednesday, August 31, 2016

Looking Back

It occurred to me recently that I have been in a LONG season of loss.  I did not "feel" the weary weightiness of these losses until the other day when it "dawned" on me that this was what was happening.

Moving three years ago was a big loss.  I moved away from my church and family.  I am fortunately able to still go to our church and see my family, but it is an hour way on a busy highway that really stresses me out.  Of course, I am blessed to have a house and I am thankful.  I plan to make the most of living down here, but I do long to move back home one day soon.

A year after we moved, my maternal grandmother passed away.  She was such a pillar of my life!  I had already lost my maternal grandfather a couple years before her, another severe loss.  They were part of the air that I breathed! They were a big part of who I was!

Another year passed, almost exactly a year later, and my paternal grandmother suddenly passed away from cancer.  I spent the next year mourning, but accepting God's timing of this devastating loss.  She was the kind of grandmother who was also a good friend.  I looked to her for guidance as well as love.  She left a big void.

I feel these losses very deeply. And now, we are ramping up to experience another kind of loss, our oldest is about to go to college next year.  Every day he separates a bit more than the day before.  I worry about his heart and I see him make decisions that do not honor God.  I have fears and worries that I need to give up to God and trust that he will not depart from the truth that he has grown up in.  I know that this is just part of the normal progression of growing up, and it is hardest the first time that parents go through this life change.  It still brings up a lot of questions like, "Did we do our best?"

These are all natural part of life losses and they are hard.  I thank God that I have put my faith, hope, and trust in Him.  I pray that through these losses I can hold fast to my faith and bring Him glory.  It is hard.  I want to pout some days and cry on others.  I am writing this to be transparent.  Life is messy.  Life is hard.  No one has it all together.  But there is hope!


  1. oh my dear sweet sweet friend, my eyes swelled up with tears reading this blog post.. my heart is grieving along side of you. I wish that as children we are taught these things... that not only in the death of ones life exhibits a grieving but so do certain aspects of seasons of living... I cant believe our children are growing up, when it seems just not long ago we all were meeting one another via homeschool blogger.. Time passed so quickly.. I find myself grieving at how quickly it went..

    I am in a way feeling a bit like "T" from Chasing SLow.. I am trying to grasp that too... slowing things down and just enjoying the now.

    If you werent several days drive away I would HUG YOU right now...

  2. ((hugs)) Life is hard. I'm sorry for all that you have been going through and hope that you will find peace and contentment in the days ahead.

  3. Those are a lot of losses to deal with. And I am right there with you on older children and their choices. It's so hard to let them make their choices and live with the consequences. I was just talking to a friend about this today and we agreed, that raising toddlers is harder physically, raising young adults is harder emotionally.

  4. Yes, there is hope. Your last line is your positive outlook out of all that you went through..keep it on!God is in control of everything if we remain in Him. You have a beautiful post and I could relate about the hard truth in leaving my first home when I got married.

    All the best to you and your loved ones!

  5. I know you have gone through a lot of losses dear friend, more than you even mentioned. It's hard losing those we love and no matter how sweet the memories or whether we know of their eternal salvation, it's still a big chunk out of our hearts & lives to not have them physically here any more. ((hugs)). Losing our babies as they grow is hard too, esp. with the first born as they can be a good indicator of where we made mistakes or what we forgot to teach them -- no parent does EVERYTHING right. Pray for him daily. Remember and cling to Proverbs 22:6, that he will come back to the way he should go, and speedily. I can't help but think about Billy Graham's son, Franklin, how he went astray for so long, but wow, look at him now. As long as R has breath, there is hope. Praying with you my friend. ♥