Moving three years ago was a big loss. I moved away from my church and family. I am fortunately able to still go to our church and see my family, but it is an hour way on a busy highway that really stresses me out. Of course, I am blessed to have a house and I am thankful. I plan to make the most of living down here, but I do long to move back home one day soon.
A year after we moved, my maternal grandmother passed away. She was such a pillar of my life! I had already lost my maternal grandfather a couple years before her, another severe loss. They were part of the air that I breathed! They were a big part of who I was!
Another year passed, almost exactly a year later, and my paternal grandmother suddenly passed away from cancer. I spent the next year mourning, but accepting God's timing of this devastating loss. She was the kind of grandmother who was also a good friend. I looked to her for guidance as well as love. She left a big void.
I feel these losses very deeply. And now, we are ramping up to experience another kind of loss, our oldest is about to go to college next year. Every day he separates a bit more than the day before. I worry about his heart and I see him make decisions that do not honor God. I have fears and worries that I need to give up to God and trust that he will not depart from the truth that he has grown up in. I know that this is just part of the normal progression of growing up, and it is hardest the first time that parents go through this life change. It still brings up a lot of questions like, "Did we do our best?"
These are all natural part of life losses and they are hard. I thank God that I have put my faith, hope, and trust in Him. I pray that through these losses I can hold fast to my faith and bring Him glory. It is hard. I want to pout some days and cry on others. I am writing this to be transparent. Life is messy. Life is hard. No one has it all together. But there is hope!